Summer Loving, Happened So Fast?

Graduation came and went. Holy moly. It was a whirlwind of a day and so emotional. I am so thankful though that I was able to find my forever friends in Z and E before I graduated. It was bittersweet having to move out of an apartment from them and live in different places but we have made it work and nothing can stand between us.

So after graduation I had about four weeks until I was off to camp. Those four weeks were relaxing but also such a whirlwind. I took hold of my new found single hood and ran with it. I went on so many dates, about 15 is what my girlfriends and I figured out.

It was very eye opening. I kind of figured out what I like and what I want. I also realized the dating game is a rough and scary place. It is so fast paced and very cut throat. It is also a very cold place, a lot of the guys I ran into weren't really looking for dating or a relationship. It was sad to find out most of them just wanted one dinner or coffee date, wanted to sleep with me and bust out. I was not about that life after the second or third encounter of that. 

I just grin and barred it after that and realized I would be going off to camp in a few weeks where I could focus on what I love and helping inspire campers to push themselves more in their arts.

Camp was a nice distraction and it turned out to be one of my favorite summers. I rekindled old friendships and also made some new strong friendships. Everyone this past summer touched my heart and made an impression in my life.

I know I talk about camp a lot but it's such a wonderful place and a place where I grew and found out who I could truly be. Some may not understand it but once you find that place that just feels comfortable you'll understand. I wish I could live there and keep all the lovely people around me but then if I did that the magic wouldn't be there anymore. I have to take what I can get and cherish it until I grow old.

But man that summer love, it was....interesting. So it started with the string of boys and me feeling out the dating world but then things took a turn. Not a bad turn but not a great turn really either. I think I'll wait to delve into that next chapter because it's a crazy rollercoaster that will take a bit of write out.

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

Boys Boys Boys

So senior year was a beautiful hot mess of a shit show (sorry for the language). To top it all off at the end of second semester I was getting really unhappy. You know the typical "I don't want to leave college and my friends" unhappy but there was a little something else on top of that. As many of you know if you've kind of followed R and I had been dating since the middle of high school. When I finished senior year we would have hit the 6 year mark together! Crazy long time. 

Up until then R was my world. I loved him with my whole heart and thought that he was "the one". One and done. I thought he would be the one I would traverse the world with, marry, and have a family with. Everything was going well but somewhere in February I felt a shift on my end.

He was still the amazing gentleman I still know and he treated me like a queen at every turn. At that point in the year the sorority, my friends, and real life started taking a major front seat. So much so our relationship fell to the way side. He noticed and I'm not sure if he was doing this intentionally or not but I started to feel smothered. There were constant questions of where I was, who I was hanging out with, and what I was doing. He wasn't a fan of drinking and I had found social drinking a fun thing to partake in.

To me I started to feel like he was very controlling and didn't really appreciate what I was doing or wanted to do. He held me on this pedestal of ideals he wanted me to be and thought I was. In reality I was realizing who I really was and wanted to be. I was growing up and changing which didn't seem to settle well with him.

We had the most awful breakup one could imagine.

It sucked.

I called him one night and told him I wanted to end us. Get out of the relationship. I needed to find out who I was. I had not been single for 6 years and he was my first serious boyfriend. He was not happy about this, I mean who would be. This was about mid-April.

He didn't take it well and kept hanging around. I tried my best to be civil and be the good friend to him that I knew he needed. I really didn't want to loose him as a friend but looking back at that time it was necessary to completely break ties and come back at a later time to build that friendship back up. He hung around, showed up unannounced, and just wouldn't let go. He kept bringing up the same conversations and getting really upset. 

It wasn't until almost mid-May or the end of May that he finally got the message and gave up. I was livid with him. The fact that he was keeping tabs on me and who I was seeing and what I was doing still was frustrating. I was so mad at him. I was hurting so bad but just couldn't sweep this under the rug. I kept my ground and held fast to the decision I made.

Through the summer he would pop up occasionally and it felt like we were moving toward friendship and it made me so happy. Then out of nowhere he decided to start avoiding me, well at least that's what it seems like right now. I understand. He has a new girlfriend and probably does not want to mix past with present.

I'm sad. I miss my best friend. He seems so happy though and that makes things so much better. I know it will take a long time but I hope we can be the best friends again that we once were. 

It's hard to let go. I never really understood it before but now it makes complete sense.

Since then I have popped in and out of the dating world. I've had a lot of flops. Some promising starts that just fell through. Dating sucks. It's fun at the beginning but I'm over it. I have completely pushed dating out of my world and have been focusing on me. I figure if it's meant to be it will happen and I will know. For now my world revolves around my friends and what makes me happy.

It's weird not having someone there to share everything with and go out with but it's kind of refreshing.

Love is a weird thing. I love love but man it fucking sucks. To everyone out there, don't force love or a relationship. Let it do it's thing and enjoy the ride. It may not always end nicely but we have to learn somehow and what better way then to make some mistakes and move on.

If for some reason R finds this heres a little note to you.

I know you are happy now and I couldn't be more thrilled for you. I hope things continue to work out for you and that you are beyond successful. Hopefully one day you will talk to me again and we can grab some brunch. You'll always be in my thoughts and there will always be good wishes for you from me. Keep pushing, have fun, be happy, and don't let anyone tell you you can't do something.

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

Senior Year

So let's see.

Last time I left you I had just finished my junior year and was going into the summer, that sounds about right. 

Well senior year of college was a whirl wind, a beautiful hot mess of a whirl wind. I started the year off in an amazing apartment downtown Holland behind my favorite breakfast food place so right away I was #winning. I also got to live with the most amazing and strong four girls I have ever met.

Z, E, and O were amazing roommates and it breaks my heart that I didn't get to live with these girls longer. Z was my sorority big and my best friend along with E. You know when you get that feeling that you have met the people who will be in your life until you die? Yea these girls are it. O was quiet and not around much, hard working engineering student, but she was such a gem and I could not have asked for a better fourth roommate.

First semester senior year went smoothly. I finished out all of my last remaining credits so technically I could have graduated in the winter but I had absolutely nothing set up so I stuck around for the whole year. Plus I wanted to walk with my friends and give my dad that moment to be proud and brag about his little princess.

Second semester was crazy. Since I had finished all of my required credits I took the least amount of classes I could and made them all fluff classes. I had a cushy schedule with classes on Tuesday and Thursday that included ballet, pointe, art, and a feminism class. This lead for ample time to plan out Greek Orientation (Z and I were the pledge masters/hell captains/Greek orientation leaders) and drink...a lot.

I loved every moment of Greek Orientation and fell in love with every one of our new members. I took on a second sorority baby and she is such a ball of sunshine. I got to know so many more people in the Greek system at Hope and it filled my heart with joy. 

From there Z, E, and I's days left for a lot of room to create chaos. We partied and drank like crazy most every night. Looking back at that last semester I can't believe my liver never gave out. Thank you body for still functioning and loving me despite the abuse I put you through.

I had fun, let go, and started to realize some of the things in my life that were happening I did not want. I realized I didn't know who I was and got scared. I needed to change that and figure life out because at that point I had no fucking clue. From here I broke up with R just before celebrating 6 years together, great timing on my part I know. From there I realized how wonderful it feels to be single, I had not experienced that in 6 years!! It was very uplifting and life changing. After that I hit the ground running. I went out with boy after boy and learned that I have a weird talent for attracting boys, a lot good and a few not so great but we have to learn from our mistakes before we know what path is the correct one to choose, right?

After a crazy senior year and not knowing where time went I graduated. I left Hope for good. I left my friends. My squad was not in one apartment any more.

I was okay but also not. I didn't realize but at that time in my life I was not okay at all. That's when things started to go down hill slowly.

After a month of freedom at home I packed up and went to camp for the summer.

This is where I'll leave you. We will delve more into summer camp in the next post. What a crazy few months there let me tell you.

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

Z, O, E, and I at Fall Crawl

Roommate bonding while drinking all day, quality stuff

Z and I in our Hell Captain uniforms

M, myself, and EC (my new sorority little)

Z, E, and I at our sorority formal

R and I at graduation

The squad after we walked across the stage. Don't let those smiles fool you, we were all a hot mess that day. To say there wasn't a decent amount of sad drinking I would be lying.

Oh Hey, I Didn't See You There

My goodness has it been a long time. Sorry about just dropping off the face of the earth but that seems to be the theme with this blog. I try really hard for a short time to post regularly and then something comes up and everything stops. 

I've never aspired to be a super successful blogger but I have always found writing and publishing very therapeutic. Through my writings I try to be as transparent as possible and hope that maybe my posts help someone through something they are going through.

Geeze I don't even know where to begin from the last time I left off. A lot has happened in my life and a lot has changed. So let's see, I went to camp again and it was one of my favorite summers back. I had such a wonderful staff in my unit and my co-unit directors slayed this summer. 

I left camp with a boyfriend (GASP! What wait what happened to R? I'll get to that). Camp boyfriend was a long time friend that we decided to date, long story short not my smartest move but we are still friends because we were that close. Anyway we moved together down to Chicago to start adult-ing and it went well for a while and then things went down hill quickly. 

I had a big girl job but was starting to feel lonely, stressed, and get sick. I was not healthy physically or mentally so I made the hard decision to move back to Michigan with my dad. I'm back in the mitten state for a few months while I collect myself and get a better game plan to move down to Chicago. 

Dear lord, a lot has happened. The next couple posts I'll delve more into what happened, how I'm doing, and what my plans are. For now this blog will be a way for me to sort through my feelings and thoughts. It may not be very exciting but maybe this will help someone out there? Really this is more for me and if people want to read and support along the way that would make me so happy. There will be photos when I have them and maybe some other goodies.

So this post has a lot of loose ends hanging and I apologize but you will just have to wait for more posts to come to get the blanks filled in on how my life has progressed. 

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

Hello, have you seen my brain?

I can't believe it is already the second week of school and I feel like I'm loosing it already.

Rush started for Greek Life this past weekend so it has been a whirlwind week with that plus two jobs, school, and homework (AKA no sleep team over here).

Granted it has been so busy but I am so freaking happy! I love my classes this semester, I love my professors, I love my jobs, and I love my friends/sisters/new friends! I do already feel a break down coming around but I think that is due to lack of sleep so hopefully I will be able to fix that this weekend. Wish me luck on getting there.

So I apologize for giving who ever reads this super sporadic blog posts these next two months. Once rush and G.O. (Greek Orientation) are over I promise to give you more regular posts.

Other then that I hope everyone is doing well to!

How is your new school year going? Are you currently in the rush process as well?

XOXO

ZMH 

My mama Zoe and I

My home girl B

What a pretty family line we are

We are also a very serious family line

Happy 2015

Wow 2014 just sprinted past me. I can't believe we are in the year 2015! It will be a great year, I can feel it.

For New Years Eve I went over to my sororities brother fraternity for a bit. One of the guys was having a Gatsby party so many of us showed up all dolled up. We had fun with dancing and watching the live feed of the New York ball drop.

I did not stay there for midnight because I had promised R that I would come to his house for the new year. It was nice to go to his house with the quiet and low key feeling. We celebrated with lots of food and out parents. It was nice.

I have been thinking about a New Year's resolution and I think I found something that I can stick with. I have promised to read more books that are not for school or "fun" books. I love reading so much and I miss it during the school year so this means I need to watch less Netflix and pick up more books.

Seems easy but I'll keep you posted.

How was your New Years Eve? Do you have a resolution?

XOXO

ZMH 

Treat Yo Self

I love to shop.

There I said it.

I am a college student with a tight budget but I love to spoil myself when I have the chance. I never let one of those chances pass by without taking full advantage of it.

Over Christmas Baublebar was having a sale and I jumped right on it. I had some Christmas money and my last pay check stored away. I splurged, what I consider splurging at this point, and bought a pretty pair of earring. I cannot wear them around campus and to some sporting games because they are my schools colors!

On top of that I was a lucky winner of Hoasting and Toasting's latest give away. Brittany was giving away several pairs of earrings from Lisi Lerch. I do not have the best of luck but was so excited to hear I won the giveaway! They are a beautiful pair of purple jewel cluster earrings. 

Overall I am so excited to bring these new earrings into the new year with beautiful new outfits. Look out 2015, I'm coming for you!

The top, purple cluster earrings are from Lisi Lerch

The orange and blue dangle earrings are from Bauble Bar

Amalfi Horn Drops Earrings

Button - Czech Purple

XOXO

ZMH 

Have you shopped at either store? What pieces of jewelry are on your wish list? Do you ever treat yourself?

Last Monday

Today is the last Monday of 2014. I can't believe how fast this year went by. I feel like just last month was the first of the year and now we are moving onto 2015.

Before I start reminiscing about all the great things I got to do this year let me recap the rest of my holiday weekend.

Dad and I were supposed to come back to Holland on Saturday but I woke up with a pretty bad cold. Dad didn't think I would enjoy traveling that day so we stayed an extra day in Kokomo and came back yesterday. With me being sick and my aunt being super exhausted after all of the cooking she did the last few days we sat and watched movies all day. It was nice to just sit and relax with my family. We watched Clue and The Fastest Indian. Both were so good and pretty hilarious. I highly recommend both.

Later in the even my cousin Amy came over and chit chatted with us but when she left we were all still wide awake, thank you late afternoon nap haha! So my dad, aunt, and I sat down and started the series The Paradise. Oh my goodness I cannot get enough of this show. It is so good. Now most of my family watches Downton Abby and they compared both shows, so if you like that kind of time period placed show go and pull up Netflix and start watching!

My dad and I have now made The Paradise "our" show. We promised each other that we would not watch it without the other which is a lot harder said then done. Every night so far my dad and I have squeezed in two episodes no matter how tired we are or how late it is. We have to watch it!

As soon as we came home R came over and we exchanged our Christmas gifts. I got him a stars and stripes shirt so he could be like Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation. He got me Adventure Time: the Art of Ooo book and some personalized stationary that he designed and printed for me. It is gorgeous and I cannot wait to send out letters to my friends. It has three ballerinas on the front with my monogram. So adorable!

Despite me being sick this holiday season and weekend has been pretty awesome. I can also say that bringing in the New Year will be just as fun and I can't wait to tell you all all about it!

XOXO

ZMH 

How was your holiday season? Did you get anything really cool for Christmas? Have you watched The Paradise?

CHRISTMAS!

Well today has been such a great and wonderful day!

I was not able to get a lot of photos today but I will try to paint the scene for you.

Last night my Aunt Shirley, Uncle David, cousin Mercedes, my dad, and I all opened our Christmas presents because we wouldn't have had the time today. Santa was nice enough to come by and drop off our few presents we asked from him super early. So last night held a lots of excitement as Mercedes and I opened gifts of things we really wanted.

I received Kate Spade's book Places to Go People to See, Banksy's newest book You Are an Acceptable Level of Threat, a whole bunch of clothes, several gift cards, a external mobile battery, and a soda stream! I had a feeling I would get a lot of the items because those were things I constantly asked for but the soda stream was a complete surprise. My dad did really well and he was so happy to see my excitement.

Today was a loooonngg day. Family started coming over around 12:30pm and everyone finally started taking off around 8pm. Holy cow it was exhausting but fun! For Christmas we have a little ham but we celebrate with several different homemade soups. Soup is a big comfort food for everyone in the Hoover family so when Christmas comes around everyone is more then excited.

My Grandpa was a Christmas baby and this year he turned 90 years old! We are throwing a big party with all of the family and his friends tomorrow so we kept it low key today for him so he wouldn't be super tired tomorrow. We spent the night looking through old photos of him when he was young and it is incredible to see everything that he has been through. My aunts, uncles, and dad were army brats so they were always moving around the world. We have photos of my Grandpa and Grandma in all different parts of the world.

I am constantly surprised by things my Grandpa did. He survived both World War II and the Vietnam war. He raced formula 500 cars and he was a woodworker. Grandpa Hoover has always been active and into things and old age is just staring to hit him. He is slowly starting to get really slow and forgetting things but it's all okay because he was able to do so much with his life.

Overall today was an amazing Christmas and I couldn't ask for a better one.

XOXO

ZMH 

There was to much excitement today that Grandpa and I had to take a break. We bond over naps.

Travels

Merry Christmas eve!

I hope every one's holiday season has been wonderful so far and filled with love and joy.

Since my mom passed my dad and I generally travel down to Kokomo, IN on Christmas eve to be with family. It is always a busy time of year for the Hoover's because not only do we have a huge family dinner but Christmas is also my Grandpa's birthday!

What a lucky guy to be a Christmas baby.

This year he is turning 90 years old and all of his children have worked together to throw a big party for him with all of his friends and family.

So today my dad and I drive down to Indiana and get right to work helping my aunts cook and get ready for the party. Wishes us to have not too many stress meltdowns, light traffic, and good weather!

Happy holidays everyone!

XOXO

ZMH 

Podcasts and Radio

Now I have always listened to the radio in the car but it was always the channels with the top 50 or 100 hits of the time. It was the popular music stations. As I am getting older though I have noticed I have been leaning more towards NPR and the classical music stations. I think why I have been leaning more towards the NPR radio stations because of what I want to go into. I want to be in the public relations and mass media side of communication and I have slowly realized it's really important for me to be up to date on what is going on in the news.

Other then the radio in the car I don't really listen to the radio. I sometimes pull up the radio portion on my Spotify account but even then I use that to listen to music that I don't have on my iTunes account.

Since updating my iPhone to the new IOS system I found the podcasts app to be really entertaining and fun. I have found a few podcasts that I think are so hilarious and awesome to listen to when I'm getting ready, alone in the apartment, or when I'm just surfing the web. I found that I have to be in the mood to listen to music and with podcasts they are just something I can put on in the background to have some noise going.

My dad and I just drove to my Aunt's house in Kokomo, IN for Thanksgiving and the whole way down we listen to some of my podcasts I had on my phone. It was so much fun to show him some of the stuff I'm getting interested in and plus the podcasts made the three hours drive seem much shorter.

So here are a couple podcasts that I am really into right now.

First up is Ear Biscuits with Rhett and Link. Oh my goodness are these podcasts gold. My boyfriend got me hooked on Rhett and Link's YouTube videos, Good Mythical Morning, and I thought if I love their videos so much I must like their podcasts to. This thought I had was so on point. These two men pick interesting people from the interweb/YouTube and interview them. Their not normal interviews, you get to learn about people's back stories, a little about their rise to fame in YouTube, and you get to find out some weird things about the people you watch on your computer. Then there are the few episodes where it is just Rhett and Link and that is even crazier. After listening to each podcast you feel like you know those people so much better and that they are now an old friend. They have 53 podcasts and are currently not making any. They finished season one and are taking a break to plan out season two, let's hope there will be one!

Now these podcasts I just started listening to, like literally 3 hours ago started listening to. I have always loved Jenna Marbles on YouTube. She is probably the one YouTube I have been consistently following since sophomore year in high school. I think she is clever, hilarious, and very insightful. Since Julien came into Jenna's YouTube world I have found him equally as entertaining and hilarious. So I thought that their podcasts would be something fun to make me happy and I was so right. They kind of just talk about whatever they want and don't have a set agenda. I like how they just talk about a few things with random other stories thrown in. It's a good one for someone who doesn't really like a set structured podcast.

Oh Serial. I got into this one because I had heard many different people talking about and there was nothing but good news coming from this podcast. This American Life publishes it and I have always been a fan of them. I have gotten several episodes in but I think I need to start over. This podcasts tells a story of a murder and how the narrator goes about finding clues and trying to figure out what is really going on. To me it is a little complicated and takes a little more thought to follow along but it is so worth it. I love the interviews brought in, the descriptions that are given, and the suspense it brings. I thought this might be a little scary or creepy but it is not at all so don't worry about that!

There is a fourth podcast series I have on my phone currently but have not started listening to it yet. It is called Gilmore Guys and from the description these two guys sit and talk about different episodes of the TV show Gilmore Girls. The reason I haven't started listening to this podcast yet is because I am almost done watching all of Gilmore Girls off of Netflix and want to finish that before I start the podcast. I don't want anything spoiled! 

I hope my little comments about these podcasts peaks your interest enough to go and check them out. Let me know if you listen to them and what you think about them!

Do you listen to podcasts or the radio? What do you listen to? What are your favorite podcast series? Any good recommendations?

XOXO

ZMH