Boys Boys Boys

So senior year was a beautiful hot mess of a shit show (sorry for the language). To top it all off at the end of second semester I was getting really unhappy. You know the typical "I don't want to leave college and my friends" unhappy but there was a little something else on top of that. As many of you know if you've kind of followed R and I had been dating since the middle of high school. When I finished senior year we would have hit the 6 year mark together! Crazy long time. 

Up until then R was my world. I loved him with my whole heart and thought that he was "the one". One and done. I thought he would be the one I would traverse the world with, marry, and have a family with. Everything was going well but somewhere in February I felt a shift on my end.

He was still the amazing gentleman I still know and he treated me like a queen at every turn. At that point in the year the sorority, my friends, and real life started taking a major front seat. So much so our relationship fell to the way side. He noticed and I'm not sure if he was doing this intentionally or not but I started to feel smothered. There were constant questions of where I was, who I was hanging out with, and what I was doing. He wasn't a fan of drinking and I had found social drinking a fun thing to partake in.

To me I started to feel like he was very controlling and didn't really appreciate what I was doing or wanted to do. He held me on this pedestal of ideals he wanted me to be and thought I was. In reality I was realizing who I really was and wanted to be. I was growing up and changing which didn't seem to settle well with him.

We had the most awful breakup one could imagine.

It sucked.

I called him one night and told him I wanted to end us. Get out of the relationship. I needed to find out who I was. I had not been single for 6 years and he was my first serious boyfriend. He was not happy about this, I mean who would be. This was about mid-April.

He didn't take it well and kept hanging around. I tried my best to be civil and be the good friend to him that I knew he needed. I really didn't want to loose him as a friend but looking back at that time it was necessary to completely break ties and come back at a later time to build that friendship back up. He hung around, showed up unannounced, and just wouldn't let go. He kept bringing up the same conversations and getting really upset. 

It wasn't until almost mid-May or the end of May that he finally got the message and gave up. I was livid with him. The fact that he was keeping tabs on me and who I was seeing and what I was doing still was frustrating. I was so mad at him. I was hurting so bad but just couldn't sweep this under the rug. I kept my ground and held fast to the decision I made.

Through the summer he would pop up occasionally and it felt like we were moving toward friendship and it made me so happy. Then out of nowhere he decided to start avoiding me, well at least that's what it seems like right now. I understand. He has a new girlfriend and probably does not want to mix past with present.

I'm sad. I miss my best friend. He seems so happy though and that makes things so much better. I know it will take a long time but I hope we can be the best friends again that we once were. 

It's hard to let go. I never really understood it before but now it makes complete sense.

Since then I have popped in and out of the dating world. I've had a lot of flops. Some promising starts that just fell through. Dating sucks. It's fun at the beginning but I'm over it. I have completely pushed dating out of my world and have been focusing on me. I figure if it's meant to be it will happen and I will know. For now my world revolves around my friends and what makes me happy.

It's weird not having someone there to share everything with and go out with but it's kind of refreshing.

Love is a weird thing. I love love but man it fucking sucks. To everyone out there, don't force love or a relationship. Let it do it's thing and enjoy the ride. It may not always end nicely but we have to learn somehow and what better way then to make some mistakes and move on.

If for some reason R finds this heres a little note to you.

I know you are happy now and I couldn't be more thrilled for you. I hope things continue to work out for you and that you are beyond successful. Hopefully one day you will talk to me again and we can grab some brunch. You'll always be in my thoughts and there will always be good wishes for you from me. Keep pushing, have fun, be happy, and don't let anyone tell you you can't do something.

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

Oh Hey, I Didn't See You There

My goodness has it been a long time. Sorry about just dropping off the face of the earth but that seems to be the theme with this blog. I try really hard for a short time to post regularly and then something comes up and everything stops. 

I've never aspired to be a super successful blogger but I have always found writing and publishing very therapeutic. Through my writings I try to be as transparent as possible and hope that maybe my posts help someone through something they are going through.

Geeze I don't even know where to begin from the last time I left off. A lot has happened in my life and a lot has changed. So let's see, I went to camp again and it was one of my favorite summers back. I had such a wonderful staff in my unit and my co-unit directors slayed this summer. 

I left camp with a boyfriend (GASP! What wait what happened to R? I'll get to that). Camp boyfriend was a long time friend that we decided to date, long story short not my smartest move but we are still friends because we were that close. Anyway we moved together down to Chicago to start adult-ing and it went well for a while and then things went down hill quickly. 

I had a big girl job but was starting to feel lonely, stressed, and get sick. I was not healthy physically or mentally so I made the hard decision to move back to Michigan with my dad. I'm back in the mitten state for a few months while I collect myself and get a better game plan to move down to Chicago. 

Dear lord, a lot has happened. The next couple posts I'll delve more into what happened, how I'm doing, and what my plans are. For now this blog will be a way for me to sort through my feelings and thoughts. It may not be very exciting but maybe this will help someone out there? Really this is more for me and if people want to read and support along the way that would make me so happy. There will be photos when I have them and maybe some other goodies.

So this post has a lot of loose ends hanging and I apologize but you will just have to wait for more posts to come to get the blanks filled in on how my life has progressed. 

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

MIA

Hiya to whomever reads this!

I know I have been so missing in action for a really long time. This last semester really took a lot out of me and kept me very busy. I hope to start to blog a little bit more again (let's hope) but with camp coming up posts will be kind of happen whenever I have access to internet.

One big thing that I will catch you up on right now is that in a few short hours I will be traveling with several communication majors and two professors to Liverpool, England! I am going to complete my internship requirement for my major and to learn about the differences in humor from US to UK. I will be gone for all of May (back on the 27th) enjoying the wonderful place of Liverpool and a bit of Scotland and Wales!

I am so freaking excited and nervous, that is why I'm up so late.

I will have my laptop with me so hopefully I'll have a little down time once in a while to write a quick post and put up some pictures. After this trip I hope to sit down and catch you up on what has been happening with me.

XOXO

ZMH 

Insta-holic

I must admit, I am addicted to Instagram.

There is just something so mesmerizing about seeing all those nice square photos and double tapping your favorite one. Is this just me?

Well I thought since I spend so much time on Instagram I would share with you my recent activity on Instagram. I like to use the app as a way to update family and friends with what I'm doing and so that they know I'm safe and happy.

Without further ado here we go!

This past week our college had a challenge given out to all of campus by a visiting artist. Our challenge was to find one of these big pieces of green paper and create something on it. Our only rule was we have to keep it horizontal and had to keep it the same rectangular form. I am not an artist at all but I gave this challenge a try and I must say I am very proud of what came out.

Lately I have been missing all of my friends I made in Europe. I think it must be the travel bug in me getting restless but I my heart has been a little hallow lately. So I found the necklace my host family in Denmark gave me and proudly wore it a couple times this week. Having it on made me feel comforted and not as sad.

This photo came up earlier this week in my Halloween post but here it is again. My sorority mama (or big) and I went out with the rest of our sisters to celebrate and we had so much fun! Zoe and I also dominated a game of beer pong that night, we generally avoid this game because we are awful at it. I am however very good at flippy cup!

I have seen this blog planner used by some of my favorite bloggers and they fell head over heels about it. I decided to buy one for myself to help me get more organized with my blog and I must say it is working! I also announced to Instagram that I have a blog so that was a big leap for me since no one really knows I have this yet.

(Can be found at www.heartandarrowdesign.com)

And finally a shameless selfie. I really liked the green I had going so I thought I would document it and it turns out a lot of other people really liked it to!

Overall Instagram is my favorite time waster. I like to edit my photos and make them look really nice. My favorite editing app right now is Afterlight, so great! Other then that my captions are never the best but you can't be great at everything, right? 

Are any of you addicted to Instagram? Do you use other editing apps before you put your photos on Instagram? Who are some of your favorite Instagrammers?

XOXO

ZMH

Feel free to check my account out and follow me!

@zmhoover