Life is Rough

Boy oh boy it's for sure the end of a semester.

Everyone is stressed, falling apart, and freaking out (including me).

I never look forward to this time of year because it just gives me so much anxiety. It doesn't even matter that I will be home in three weeks for Christmas break because I just keep thinking about all of the things I have to do in between that time.

Let me start with my list of bad's:

1. My iPhone will not charge. Correction it is being very picky about charging. I will hook it up and it will occasionally charge for maybe 30 minutes if I'm lucky. So I will be going to the AT&T store this weekend with my dad and hopefully get this situation fixed.

2. I found out I am lactose and dairy intolerant. YAY...not. I guess this has always been around but it recently started turning into such a big problem that I was dry heaving and getting dizzy from feeling so ill. I hate this because I live off of dairy products but good thing I have always liked soy milk.

3. I had a huge 10page ROUGH DRAFT, mind you, due yesterday and I only had 2pages. Thankfully I was not the only one but still. I keep looking at my 2pages and walking away because this paper and class is awful and I don't want to do it. 

4. My other three housemates are driving me up the walk. Don't get me wrong I love Rachel but holy cow am I ready to be home. Not everyone is doing their chores, there is stuff everywhere, and all of this is making me more stressed. I can't even hide in my room because Rachel has almost taken over the whole thing. Don't worry I will be giving everyone a piece of my mind very soon.

So yea, that is about it. Oh wait one more!

5. There will be some significant charges next semester for the sorority to fund different G.O. (Greek Orientation or Pledge) that I don't know if I can afford. Don't get me wrong, I love the sorority but I just cannot afford all of those extra little costs especially for events that I cannot be at because I have work. It's annoying is all.

Okay so now that is all.

I just needed to vent this and have someone else hear it that wouldn't immediately try to make everything positive and tell me it will be okay. That's nice that people want to give me support and I love it but sometimes a girl just has to be mad and think that there will be no good outcome. Just for a little bit let me wallow and be mad. Just a little bit, that's all I ask.

XOXO

ZMH 

Registration, Wait What?

Today I register for next semester classes. This means that I am almost half way done with Junior year. What the heck? I'm not ready to be done with this year, I'm not ready to be a senior, I'm not ready to apply for graduate school, and I am certainly not ready to have a real job and pay bills.

Alas time does not stop for anyone no matter how hard you beg. So here I got taking another leap into the crazy world of school. 

I am pretty excited about the classes I'll hopefully get into for next semester. I will be sure to keep you posted about what I get into and share my excitement!

How many of you are wishing time will slow down a bit? Anyone else registering for classes as well? 

XOXO

ZMH

Ooo Shiny!

So here's an honesty hour post.

You know I just don't want to do anything right now. Well that's wrong I do want to lay in bed, eat ice cream and ramen, and watch Netflix all night. What I really don't want to do right now is homework, specifically this paper I have yet to start and it is due tomorrow.

Now you are probably saying right now, "What are you doing right now Zoe! You should be writing your paper instead of blogging!"

This is true but this is honesty hour and I will now tell you WHY I don't want to do this paper.

I am a pretty fast paper writer. I don't like to work on papers ahead of time. I always wait till the night before and crank them out and I do awesome at them. This is one of those weird things that I'm really good at no matter how much time I'm given. Now not every paper is done like this but let's say about 95% of my papers are done the night before they are due, does not matter the page length or work count. This drives my friends nuts and my dad crazy (he is usually the one who edits my papers for me). 

This paper is one that I just don't want to write at all. The class this paper is due for sucks. I am not a fan of the teacher, his teaching style, or how he decides to throw things on us. I have only missed this class once and I have no idea what I have learned. He is so confusing and the textbooks we use are just as confusing. 

This paper makes no sense to me, is super open-ended, and he didn't really talk to much about it.

Yikes! 

Luckily I'm not the only one in this situation but let's hope that whatever I come up with works and he likes. I'm freaking out about this plus many other things. My life right now is one big huge ball of stress.

Have you ever felt this overwhelmed? Have you ever been in a situation like this in school? Any tips?

XOXO

ZMH 

Not Everything is Peaches and Cream

Life can be difficult, especially in college. There is so much going with extra-curriculars, friends, school work, and a job. The thing that really takes the cake on all of those difficult things are relationships.

Having a boyfriend is wonderful. They can be supportive, an ear to listen, or just an extra someone to hang out with. Most people by the time they get to college have had a boyfriend or two briefly or for a really long time. Sometimes you get to college not having dated anyone and use this time to change that. Now relationships can be wonderful and really nice but they also come with some work. You know a flower never grows unless you put a little work into taking care of it. 

R and I have been together for about four and a half years. A really long time to be in a relationship for people so young (we get that a lot). Now not saying everything was flawless and happy but it was a pretty easy relationship for us. Recently though I had been starting to have some doubts about our relationship (I think I have mentioned this before). I Called R up on Friday and we talked and cried and got frustrated at each other. What we have come to right now is that we are on a break.

I still wanted him to come to my sororities date night so we decided to take these next two weeks to think about us. We decided we would text each other once in a while letting each other know what we appreciate from the other in the past. So far it's nice to see what we think of each other, the good things. The thing that is worrying me is that this may not work.

I see him as "the one". I can see myself having a very happy future with him. We both see our relationship has great potential and promise but maybe right now to help save that is to take more then a break. At the moment I am trying and thinking about us. It's hard because I'm confused on how to express how I'm feeling. My biggest fear though is that if we do end up ending our relationship that he will get so mad at me that if there is a chance for us to get back together he won't take it.

So besides having to stress out and think about school, friends, work, and my social life, I also have to keep this in mind. For now I have great friends who are supporting me and being awesome sounding boards. I will keep you all updated on how everything pans out.

Have you ever had a tough relationship like this? Do you have any advice that might help? 

XOXO

ZMH

Hi Universe, Want to be Friends?

Do you ever have those days where you wake up and just know that nothing will go quiet right that day? It feels like the universe just decided that day that it didn't want to be your friend. 

Yea well that was how today felt for me. I woke up just not feeling today. I just knew I wouldn't win today. It's not really a day full of big important things but there have just been a few wrenches thrown into my plans today and others lives as well apparently.

This morning instead of playing around on my computer until I had to go to class I went over to Starbucks. While there I realized I didn't print out my homework that was due during this first class. I cursed myself for forgetting, the item was pulled up on my laptop and everything. I quickly grabbed my coffee and sprinted out of Starbucks like it was on fire. I was able to race back to my apartment and print my homework on time, in fact I was still my usual 10 minutes early to class. Go me. 

Afterward I went to our campus' snack cafe to meet up with some sorority sisters for lunch like normal. I grabbed my salad and other snacks and was glad that I was able to the few road blocks that were put in my way. Little did I know more were to come.

Over half of the lettuce in my salad was bad, bummer. The yogurt and fruit cup I grabbed consisted mostly of fresh pineapple which I am allergic to which was upsetting as well. Overall lunch sucked. Us girls then chatted about how everyone was just struggling in general this week. We all made each other feel better with words of encouragement, I love my sisters. 

I then decided to not go to my next class of the day and take this time to relax and write this blog post. I think I made the right decision because I'm starting to feel a little better. Granted I have to go to work today but let's hope it's okay, it probably will be a low key day. I also may have a little girl bonding session with my boyfriend's little sister tonight. She just broke up with her long tern boyfriend and is pretty beat up about it. So I suggested we hang out with our good friends Ben and Jerry and pull out a good movie to watch.

Yay for eating our feelings and making fun of movies!

Well I hope all of your day/week is going better then mine. Let's hope this weekend holds something awesome to make up for this string of bad days.

XOXO 

ZMH 

Regrets

I feel like most people have a few regrets throughout their life. You know their usually simple ones like not snapping up that cute pice of clothing when you had the chance or having that second piece of cake before exercising, both of these situations I have been in.

Now those aren't really the regrets I'm having. I go through some little mood swings at times of stress or when I just feel like life isn't going right. I have come to the conclusion these bad and sad moods come about when the weather isn't great out despite me loving that gloomy, rainy weather. 

Yesterday I took a day trip with my dad to Chicago. We both wanted to go before I had to go to camp for work and we also were due for a daddy/daughter date. It was such a great day but sadly it was pretty rainy all day and a little chilly. Now we both knew it was going to rain so we brought umbrellas but it was just much worse then we expected. Overall like I said before a great day but then today was still pretty gloomy here in Holland and having both days back to back kind of set me off.

When I get in my depressed/sad mood it generally happens at night before I go to bed and I start thinking about things which leads me to my eyes filled with tears and lots of snot.

Now tonight I had on my mind of not wanting to go to camp because that meant I had to go back to college. I don't want to go back because my grades aren't doing great and I am super stressed. I also am not in love with where I am going but that's another problem that is linked to not being in love with Holland, I just don't belong here. That lead to me starting to be unhappy with my relationship. Now that's a huge, big problem that has come up recently but I will post another time about that because it is just a huge thing.

Overall I cried myself dry, bundled up, went downstairs, and turned on the TV. I have relaxed a bit and am feeling much better. I though a quick post about these little problems would help and also make me realize I am very blessed to be where I am in life and must take everything in stride.

XOXO
ZMH

Stressful Life

My life lately has been very stressful and frankly moving a little too fast for my liking. I have been going from classes, to meetings, to work, to pledge, and then crashing everyday. My weekends are packed with homework, work, and more pledge events. Don't get me wrong, I love being busy because it doesn't give me time to get bored but right now I could use a day of laying in bed, watching Netflix, and snacking without feeling guilty about not doing homework.

I have been on the brink of tears all week and I just keep waiting to burst out in a sobbing event. I honestly don't know why I have had this feeling of tears, probably because of stress, but I don't like it at all. I have snapped at my roommate a couple times and I felt so bad. She understands though and still loves me and I feel so blessed to have such a forgiving friend and roommate. My sorority mom has been wonderful with asking how I'm doing and making sure I'm okay. She's also in the same boat as me so it's nice to talk to her about all of this because she understands. My pledge class girls have all been super supportive of me as well and it makes me so happy to know that no matter how down I'm feeling there are so many people around me waiting to catch me and help me out.

So I've been trying to put away an hour or so every night to just sit down and watch Netflix. I tell myself to not think about homework or meetings for this hour and to just enjoy my show/movie. After that little bit of relaxation I feel so much better and go back to chipping away at my mountain load of homework.

I have also told myself that even though the weather may be crappy here in Michigan and I may be super busy I have to take time to put more effort into how I am looking and presenting myself. I have been living in jeans and leggings the past couple weeks. I hate wearing either of those things because personally I feel like I look like a slob no matter how much I try to dress them up. So I am going to start wearing my skirts and dresses more this coming week to help me feel a little better and more confident.

I feel a lot better now that I have put my feelings and thoughts down on paper.

XOXO

ZMH 

If anyone is reading this, how do you deal with stress?