Summer Loving, Happened So Fast?

Graduation came and went. Holy moly. It was a whirlwind of a day and so emotional. I am so thankful though that I was able to find my forever friends in Z and E before I graduated. It was bittersweet having to move out of an apartment from them and live in different places but we have made it work and nothing can stand between us.

So after graduation I had about four weeks until I was off to camp. Those four weeks were relaxing but also such a whirlwind. I took hold of my new found single hood and ran with it. I went on so many dates, about 15 is what my girlfriends and I figured out.

It was very eye opening. I kind of figured out what I like and what I want. I also realized the dating game is a rough and scary place. It is so fast paced and very cut throat. It is also a very cold place, a lot of the guys I ran into weren't really looking for dating or a relationship. It was sad to find out most of them just wanted one dinner or coffee date, wanted to sleep with me and bust out. I was not about that life after the second or third encounter of that. 

I just grin and barred it after that and realized I would be going off to camp in a few weeks where I could focus on what I love and helping inspire campers to push themselves more in their arts.

Camp was a nice distraction and it turned out to be one of my favorite summers. I rekindled old friendships and also made some new strong friendships. Everyone this past summer touched my heart and made an impression in my life.

I know I talk about camp a lot but it's such a wonderful place and a place where I grew and found out who I could truly be. Some may not understand it but once you find that place that just feels comfortable you'll understand. I wish I could live there and keep all the lovely people around me but then if I did that the magic wouldn't be there anymore. I have to take what I can get and cherish it until I grow old.

But man that summer love, it was....interesting. So it started with the string of boys and me feeling out the dating world but then things took a turn. Not a bad turn but not a great turn really either. I think I'll wait to delve into that next chapter because it's a crazy rollercoaster that will take a bit of write out.

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

Not Everything is Peaches and Cream

Life can be difficult, especially in college. There is so much going with extra-curriculars, friends, school work, and a job. The thing that really takes the cake on all of those difficult things are relationships.

Having a boyfriend is wonderful. They can be supportive, an ear to listen, or just an extra someone to hang out with. Most people by the time they get to college have had a boyfriend or two briefly or for a really long time. Sometimes you get to college not having dated anyone and use this time to change that. Now relationships can be wonderful and really nice but they also come with some work. You know a flower never grows unless you put a little work into taking care of it. 

R and I have been together for about four and a half years. A really long time to be in a relationship for people so young (we get that a lot). Now not saying everything was flawless and happy but it was a pretty easy relationship for us. Recently though I had been starting to have some doubts about our relationship (I think I have mentioned this before). I Called R up on Friday and we talked and cried and got frustrated at each other. What we have come to right now is that we are on a break.

I still wanted him to come to my sororities date night so we decided to take these next two weeks to think about us. We decided we would text each other once in a while letting each other know what we appreciate from the other in the past. So far it's nice to see what we think of each other, the good things. The thing that is worrying me is that this may not work.

I see him as "the one". I can see myself having a very happy future with him. We both see our relationship has great potential and promise but maybe right now to help save that is to take more then a break. At the moment I am trying and thinking about us. It's hard because I'm confused on how to express how I'm feeling. My biggest fear though is that if we do end up ending our relationship that he will get so mad at me that if there is a chance for us to get back together he won't take it.

So besides having to stress out and think about school, friends, work, and my social life, I also have to keep this in mind. For now I have great friends who are supporting me and being awesome sounding boards. I will keep you all updated on how everything pans out.

Have you ever had a tough relationship like this? Do you have any advice that might help? 

XOXO

ZMH

Hi Universe, Want to be Friends?

Do you ever have those days where you wake up and just know that nothing will go quiet right that day? It feels like the universe just decided that day that it didn't want to be your friend. 

Yea well that was how today felt for me. I woke up just not feeling today. I just knew I wouldn't win today. It's not really a day full of big important things but there have just been a few wrenches thrown into my plans today and others lives as well apparently.

This morning instead of playing around on my computer until I had to go to class I went over to Starbucks. While there I realized I didn't print out my homework that was due during this first class. I cursed myself for forgetting, the item was pulled up on my laptop and everything. I quickly grabbed my coffee and sprinted out of Starbucks like it was on fire. I was able to race back to my apartment and print my homework on time, in fact I was still my usual 10 minutes early to class. Go me. 

Afterward I went to our campus' snack cafe to meet up with some sorority sisters for lunch like normal. I grabbed my salad and other snacks and was glad that I was able to the few road blocks that were put in my way. Little did I know more were to come.

Over half of the lettuce in my salad was bad, bummer. The yogurt and fruit cup I grabbed consisted mostly of fresh pineapple which I am allergic to which was upsetting as well. Overall lunch sucked. Us girls then chatted about how everyone was just struggling in general this week. We all made each other feel better with words of encouragement, I love my sisters. 

I then decided to not go to my next class of the day and take this time to relax and write this blog post. I think I made the right decision because I'm starting to feel a little better. Granted I have to go to work today but let's hope it's okay, it probably will be a low key day. I also may have a little girl bonding session with my boyfriend's little sister tonight. She just broke up with her long tern boyfriend and is pretty beat up about it. So I suggested we hang out with our good friends Ben and Jerry and pull out a good movie to watch.

Yay for eating our feelings and making fun of movies!

Well I hope all of your day/week is going better then mine. Let's hope this weekend holds something awesome to make up for this string of bad days.

XOXO 

ZMH 

Time Keeps Passing

This past week has been a whirl wind. I have no idea where the week went. It is currently early Saturday morning and I could swear it was just Sunday yesterday.

I feel this week went by so quickly because I had it broken up. Last week Saturday at about this time my Aunt Shirley sent out an email to the family that my Uncle Mike, Aunt Sharron's husband, passed away. Now this wasn't a big shock to the family because he had a very serious fall three years ago that led to a lot of brain damage, paralysis, and just a steady decline in health. 

My Aunt Sharron has been through a lot these passing years because she always had Mike to rely on and do everything for her. She had to learn to be independent very quickly at a really late time in life. I saw her struggle but I also saw her grow to an even more amazing woman then she already is.

My Aunt is someone who inspires me. I saw all the hardship she went through and she made me realize that I have to stop doubting my abilities. I have to push through everything and go for every opportunity even if I know I will fail. I will still learn from that experience. 

So this week when my dad and I drove down to Indiana for the service on Wednesday I wasn't sure what to expect. I have been to my fair share of funerals for people close to me and also people not so close. There was something different about this one. We all had been expecting this to happen but we all were there for Sharron. We were there to show her that her family will come together when needed and won't ever leave her. 

This week wasn't so much sad but a happy occasion. We celebrated Uncle Mike's life and Aunt Sharron's strength. There was family in town from Washington D.C., St. Louis MO, and Michigan. We all came from hours away because family is THE most important thing to us. It doesn't matter what you have done in the past, we are family and we will be there.

I have to say I am pretty lucky to have such a big and supportive family. My family is awesome and I appreciate everything everyone has done from far away and near by. I could not have asked for a better life and so many great role models. 

Here are a few random photos of some of my family members.

My dad and grandpa

My dad and I 

Two of my cousins and my Aunt

My cousins and I

My cousins

XOXO

ZMH

Summer Loving

           So let me apologize in advanced for not blogging at all this summer. I knew I would be super busy at camp but I thought I would have had a little time to keep you all updated. Unfortunately that was very wrong. But now I am back and will try to fill you in with everything I learned and experienced this summer.

            I worked as a camp counselor at Blue Lake Fine Arts camp up in Twin Lake, MI. I was there from early June until just a couple days ago. I was there for two whole months but I definitely did not feel that long. My summer sped by in a blink of the eye. I am so sad that it is done but I cannot wait to come back for next summer!

            Blue Lake has four twelve-day sessions for kids to come and explore their art, band, orchestra, dance, theater, or singing. The first two sessions were high schoolers and the last two sessions were middle schoolers. Every kid I interacted with changed me in some way or I helped him or her find out more about themselves.

            I was in a cluster of cabins called West Point. At Blue Lake all the cabins are named after some sort of artist and the cabins are clumped into units with a total theme. Our unit was called West Point because when West Point was built it was the western most point of camp. All of our cabins were named after famous male authors, why didn’t they name this GIRLS unit after famous women authors you got me. Our cabins were Sandburg, Michener, Hemmingway, Frost, Baldwin, and Faulkner.

           

            Now my unit’s staff was the best ever. I bonded with those girls and formed friendships that will hopefully last for a very long time. We all loved each other so much and lets just say Niagara Falls was present on the last day of camp in our unit. I can’t believe that I don’t get to see those lovely ladies everyday for the rest of the year. It is the saddest thing.

            So that kind of gives you a brief over view of camp this summer. Down below are some photos of my fellow staff members and I.I hope to write a few more blog posts about camp as the days go on. I just have so much to share that if I were to include it all in one post it would be twenty pages long.

XOXO

            ZMH

The lovely Blue Lake beach.

Staff Dance Ensamble

Meg and I 

This picture perfectly describes Claire and I's relationship.

All the lovely counselors of West Point minus our unit director.

XOXO

ZMH

Regrets

I feel like most people have a few regrets throughout their life. You know their usually simple ones like not snapping up that cute pice of clothing when you had the chance or having that second piece of cake before exercising, both of these situations I have been in.

Now those aren't really the regrets I'm having. I go through some little mood swings at times of stress or when I just feel like life isn't going right. I have come to the conclusion these bad and sad moods come about when the weather isn't great out despite me loving that gloomy, rainy weather. 

Yesterday I took a day trip with my dad to Chicago. We both wanted to go before I had to go to camp for work and we also were due for a daddy/daughter date. It was such a great day but sadly it was pretty rainy all day and a little chilly. Now we both knew it was going to rain so we brought umbrellas but it was just much worse then we expected. Overall like I said before a great day but then today was still pretty gloomy here in Holland and having both days back to back kind of set me off.

When I get in my depressed/sad mood it generally happens at night before I go to bed and I start thinking about things which leads me to my eyes filled with tears and lots of snot.

Now tonight I had on my mind of not wanting to go to camp because that meant I had to go back to college. I don't want to go back because my grades aren't doing great and I am super stressed. I also am not in love with where I am going but that's another problem that is linked to not being in love with Holland, I just don't belong here. That lead to me starting to be unhappy with my relationship. Now that's a huge, big problem that has come up recently but I will post another time about that because it is just a huge thing.

Overall I cried myself dry, bundled up, went downstairs, and turned on the TV. I have relaxed a bit and am feeling much better. I though a quick post about these little problems would help and also make me realize I am very blessed to be where I am in life and must take everything in stride.

XOXO
ZMH

Four Beautiful Years

Happy belated Memorial Day everyone! I hope everyone had a great long weekend and also a safe one!

This past Memorial Day weekend for me was relaxing and a lot of fun. On Saturday it was mine and R's 4 year anniversary. We have been dating since the end of sophomore year in high school. Needless to say I wouldn't trade these last 4 years with him for anything else. We have had our ups and downs like any other couple but it has all been worth it. We didn't do much which I was completely fine with. He got me a few presents that I can use while I'm camp this summer (only a couple more weeks until I leave!). My present for him is currently being made and is not finished yet but I'll be sure to keep you posted once that is all finished. After the present giving we went out and took a little walk out at the Saugatuck Dunes State park with Lilly the dog.

R is a guy who LOVES to walk. He will just walk and walk and walk for hours. For me it is the opposite. I do enjoy a nice walk in a city or downtown but going on a super ling, 3 mile, hike is not usually my idea of fun. I toughed it out though and had a lot of fun exploring the dunes. Once we finished our little hike we went over to his parents house and celebrated his mother's birthday. 

My dad came and our friend D stopped by for a little while which was great. I helped out R's dad in the kitchen and we had delicious homemade stir fry and a huge campfire. We ended the night with a delicious cake made by R's little sister and with some ice cream sandwiches. After all of that I went back home and went straight to bed. All of the fresh air and hiking really tuckered me out!

The rest of the weekend was spent with R and my dad and many more campfires. 

Memorial day was a nice relaxing day for me as well. I got up super early and went to the parade and boy am I glad I got up early. It was so much fun and I loved seeing all of the local Hollanders there supporting our veterans and deployed. 

Other then that my weekend was perfect! I am so glad to have such a loving and supporting boyfriend who accepts me for me. I will be sure to cherish all these last few weekends with him, his family, and my dad before we both head off to different camps for the summer.

How was every one's Memorial day weekend?

XOXO
ZMH