I Can't Seem to Sit Still

I hate staying in one place for a long time. I love love love traveling and exploring. It can be something as simple as a day road trip to the other side of the state or a full blown across the seas adventure. I want to see as much of this amazing and crazy world as I can before I get to old and things start disappearing.

I want to see every little inch of the world but that's a little impossible so I will instead give off a list of the top 5 places I would travel to tomorrow if someone was bankrolling me.

1. Bhutan

I want to travel to this little place over near India so badly. It is a tiny land locked country that is basically off the grid. It has been listed as one of the happiest places in the world simply because there isn't a lot of technology running rampart there and the country keeps a pretty tight lock on visitors. Bhutan is hard to get to and even harder to get in but if I could simple get a few days in to explore the mountains and the culture of the little towns that reside there I would be beyond happy.

2. Easter Island

This mysterious place has always held my interest. Not only does the mystery of the giant rock heads intrigue me but the island itself always looks like a calm and peaceful place. It seems like a place that I could escape to and do some major life searching with no interruptions. Some day I would love to travel out there and camp on the island for a while. Take that time to hike and explore and just connect with myself. I feel that island holds a lot of answers for me.

3. Japan

This place has held a special place in all of my family's lives. My dad lived there for a short time when he was really little because my Grandpa was in the army and had been stationed there. My father's older sisters remember Japan a lot more then he does. Having been there for a while a lot of the culture influenced our family's cooking and memories. In high school and college I took Japanese classes because of the influence I had from my family. I would dearly love to travel over there and back pack my way through the islands. I think I would like to start at the top and work my way down stopping at the big spots as well as getting lost on the less travel paths.

4. Egypt

From a very young age I have always had a fascination with mummies and old Egyptian culture. I still think it would be amazing to become and Egyptologist and work over there and study everything I can about that ancient world and how it has come to what it is. I could be over the moon if I could help hunt for mummies and their tomb. There's just something about those old lives and customs that I find so intriguing and cannot get enough of.

5. Croatia

I don't have much to say about this place other then what I have seen and researched it looks like a stunning place. It just seems to be picture perfect around every corner. Of course I could be very wrong but I would still like to make it over there and see for myself what it is like.

Those are just the big places I would love to travel to and see but of course I would love to see many more other places. Again, someday I hope to make it all the way around the world. There's so much to see and so little time to fit everything in.

XOXO

ZMH

Inspiration

I find inspiration all around me. If you look at the world with open eyes any little thing can spark some inspiration and creativity. I find though that not only objects inspire me but people do to.

Someone who is motivated, creative, and determined will always inspire me to do great things and push myself as well. I have a good handful of people I can count on that if I go to they will inspire me to do something great. There is one person though that really stands out and has inspired me consistently from a young age.

I grew up taking ballet and falling head over heels for it. My life would not be my life with out dance. As the years passed I had several teachers come and go and many dancing opportunities present themselves. The one teacher who was there from the beginning and someone I still stay in contact with is Miss Robin.

The best way to describe her is that she a real life fairy godmother. She is whimsical, beautiful, kind, caring, and an all around good human. She had been dancing all of her life as well. I took several classes and trained with her for a long time during the school year but over the summer she would run an independent ballet camp/performance series.

We had created our own little ballet company where we would train and help create choreography for Miss Robin's ballets. She was an incredible woman because she had written three 2 hour ballets from nothing. She created stories, characters, costumes, and music for all of these ballets. They were all heart warming and whimsical stories that carried a lot of meaning and love in them. Granted Robin did do most of the work but what really made everything special was that she asked for help and inspiration from us dancers and cast to help give the ballets more depth.

Miss Robin is an incredible woman and seeing her do all of this while I was growing up inspired me and showed me that I can do anything I put my mind to if I just put in a little hard work. I have to take the criticism from others and use that as fuel to keep pushing through and working. There will always be people trying to push you down but you just have to get up and brush the dust off and keep moving.

I love Miss Robin and she is the reason I am still dancing today and why I love teaching ballet. I hope that one day I can inspire a little dancer to pursue her dreams and keep training no matter what just like Miss Robin did for me. The ballet world is a tough and mean place sometimes but if you keep pushing through the end result is stunning.

Who inspires you? Why do they inspire you?

XOXO

ZMH

Pet Peeves

There are just some things that really drive people bonkers. Everyone has at least one thing that others do that drive them up the wall. Society likes to call these lovely things pet peeves. When thinking about my pet peeves I can't really pin point what they are but when people do these actions I know immediately that's something I can't stand. So here are my top three that come to mind right now. I have to say though I get peeved easily by a lot of things, oops!

1. People who chew with their mouths open

My father is a chef so from a young age I learned to  try everything, appreciate good food, and know what correct table/restaurant manners were. People who chew with their mouths open was one thing I was told that is very rude and not acceptable. Now whenever I encounter someone who does this I loose it. It is gross, disrespectful to the other people sitting at the table with you, and just.....why?? Like if you have put so much food in your mouth you can't close it fully to chew take a step back and don't stuff your face so much. I love food too but come on, be sensible. 

2. Oblivious people in public

So I lived in Chicago for a short time and most everyone on the street is on a mission to get where they need to get to. In general people are aware of what is around them and what they are doing. Being back in Michigan I have noticed people just stand in the middle of sidewalks, the middle of grocery store aisles, and just don't move when you say "excuse me". I should not have to muscle my way past you after asking you to politely move. It's just not polite. Like please people, be more aware for your sake and mine. I don't feel like loosing my temper on an innocent person in public. 

3. Being Late

I have when I am waiting on someone. I hate being late and having friends be late. It's not okay. You should be a few minutes early if not on time. I grew up in the dance world and at a very young age knew that if you weren't at least 15 minutes early to get dressed and warm up you were late and it was not okay. Now don't get me wrong, I will be late if it will only effect me and it is not crucial for me to be to the event right when it starts. That's a different story. But people come on, if someone is waiting on you or you promised to be somewhere at a certain time you better be early. Just saying. I will call you out on it and be a bitch with no regrets about that.

What are some of your pet peeves? Do you have the same as mine? Am I just a crazy person or are these some what reasonable things to get a little upset over?

XOXO

ZMH

Your Eyes Sparkle

I have wonderful friends who build each other up and we are always complimenting each other. It really does make me smile when they say they like something I'm wearing or if my makeup looks on fleek that day but after a while I've gotten used to the compliments. I know they still mean them whole-heartedly but hearing the compliments from the same people after a while gets a little old. 

My father has always been one to encourage me and build me up. Being his only child and a daughter I would say that yes I am his princess. He doesn't compliment me always but when he does again it's with complete love and sincerity. Although being a father he's not always the best with words so it's usually something generic like "you look really nice" or "you're beautiful today". Thank you dad, I love you too.

I have to say though that the one compliment I have received that has always stuck with me and will make my heart soar above the clouds is "You're smile is beautiful but what is better is that your eyes sparkle when you smile. It's stunning".

Like wow. Okay. I just died.

Your eyes sparkle.

I don't know what it is about those three words but they just make me unbelievably happy. Just knowing now that when I smile my eyes sparkle with the smile makes me smile even bigger in hopes that those sparkles shine brighter. Knowing that when I smile someone can see the joy from that smile in my eyes tells me that I understand what true happiness is. 

I know it is simple and maybe a little superficial but that is one thing that someone has told me that will always stick with me. The next man I fall in love with will be told of this comment and told to use it sparingly but if used it will make me swoon and fall even more head over heels for them. 

What is something that someone has told you that will always stick with you? Good or bad because whatever it is we grow from it and become better people because of it.

XOXO
ZMH

10 Things that Make Me Really Happy

Life can get you down a lot and sometimes it seems like there is no light or hope. I can be really tough on myself, like unreasonably tough. So I've found that when I get in those moods having a list of things that make me happy and smile really helps break up the bad attitude. My list will morph and change a bit depending on the situation but for the most part it stays the same. So here is my list of 10 things that make me really happy!

1. Cats: I am a total cat person. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs to but I've always grown up with cats and I feel most comfortable with them. They are so fluffy, mysterious, loving, and sassy. They can sense when you are feeling down and need a good snuggle, you can't really force a cat to cuddle.

2. Ballet: I have been dancing since I was 5 and when I get into the studio, on the stage, or even just watching ballet videos on YouTube my whole mood brightens. I love seeing this art form express people's feeling and move people. It really can change a person's thoughts on things. Dancing has always been a way for me to express myself without having to open my mouth. I'm not always great at expressing with words how I'm doing so if I can do it through movement it makes a world of difference.

3. Macaroons: I adore this little French cookie. I fell in love with it long ago on my travel in Europe and ever since then I can't help but smile when I hold one in my hand. There is just something about the light crunch of the cookie with the filling inside exploding into your mouth. They are such delicate and beautiful cookies that can hold so many complex flavors. 

4. Coffee: I am addicted to caffeine. It is so bad but what can you do? I love a good cup of dark coffee in the early morning, or a casual cup in the afternoon with a friend. No matter the time of day the darker and richer the cup of coffee you hand me the bigger I'll smile. I'll know you are my true friend when you know to wake me with a cup of coffee and not just empty handed.

5. Sparkles: Growing up in the dance world you get a soft spot for the glamour and sparkle of the dance costumes. Well at least I did. Anything that is glittery or sparkly will grab my attention right away. It's so wonderful and bright and cheerful and there just seems to be nothing that can bring it down.

6. This Side of Paradise: F. Scott Fitzgerald is my all time favorite author. I have yet to meet a piece of his writing that I didn't like. My favorite book of his is This Side of Paradise. It's just a simple read with love, learning who you are, and of course the flair of the 1920's extravagance. 

7. Calligraphy: I once tried to learn this beautiful art form but I have zero patience for it so I have settled to watching videos of people writing or just appreciating the finished project. On my Pinterest I have a board solely dedicated to writing and calligraphy. If I'm down I pull it up and skim through, it is just to relaxing and whimsical.

8. Fluffy Socks: The fluffier the better. Simple as that.

9. Lipstick: It's a simple thing but sometimes if I just swipe on a simple nude or a bright red my mood completely changes. I feel like when I put my lipstick on my life just comes together so much better. Don't even get me started on how happy a brand new tube of lipstick will make me.

10. Tattoos: I have one currently with many more in the works. There's something about inking myself that brings me joy. I get to wear someone's hard work on my body and show it off to the world. I am a walking art museum, who wouldn't want to be that! I also just love looking at my tattoo and remembering why it sits on my arm and it just makes me simple and feel at peace.

So that is my list. Some things change depending on the day or the mood I get in but like I said earlier in general this list is it. I hope you all find happiness in something. If you are ever feeling down make a list. Heck, make a list now and keep it somewhere where you can pull it out, read through it, feel better, and put it away for when you need it again.

XOXO

ZMH

Summer Loving, Happened So Fast?

Graduation came and went. Holy moly. It was a whirlwind of a day and so emotional. I am so thankful though that I was able to find my forever friends in Z and E before I graduated. It was bittersweet having to move out of an apartment from them and live in different places but we have made it work and nothing can stand between us.

So after graduation I had about four weeks until I was off to camp. Those four weeks were relaxing but also such a whirlwind. I took hold of my new found single hood and ran with it. I went on so many dates, about 15 is what my girlfriends and I figured out.

It was very eye opening. I kind of figured out what I like and what I want. I also realized the dating game is a rough and scary place. It is so fast paced and very cut throat. It is also a very cold place, a lot of the guys I ran into weren't really looking for dating or a relationship. It was sad to find out most of them just wanted one dinner or coffee date, wanted to sleep with me and bust out. I was not about that life after the second or third encounter of that. 

I just grin and barred it after that and realized I would be going off to camp in a few weeks where I could focus on what I love and helping inspire campers to push themselves more in their arts.

Camp was a nice distraction and it turned out to be one of my favorite summers. I rekindled old friendships and also made some new strong friendships. Everyone this past summer touched my heart and made an impression in my life.

I know I talk about camp a lot but it's such a wonderful place and a place where I grew and found out who I could truly be. Some may not understand it but once you find that place that just feels comfortable you'll understand. I wish I could live there and keep all the lovely people around me but then if I did that the magic wouldn't be there anymore. I have to take what I can get and cherish it until I grow old.

But man that summer love, it was....interesting. So it started with the string of boys and me feeling out the dating world but then things took a turn. Not a bad turn but not a great turn really either. I think I'll wait to delve into that next chapter because it's a crazy rollercoaster that will take a bit of write out.

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH

Boys Boys Boys

So senior year was a beautiful hot mess of a shit show (sorry for the language). To top it all off at the end of second semester I was getting really unhappy. You know the typical "I don't want to leave college and my friends" unhappy but there was a little something else on top of that. As many of you know if you've kind of followed R and I had been dating since the middle of high school. When I finished senior year we would have hit the 6 year mark together! Crazy long time. 

Up until then R was my world. I loved him with my whole heart and thought that he was "the one". One and done. I thought he would be the one I would traverse the world with, marry, and have a family with. Everything was going well but somewhere in February I felt a shift on my end.

He was still the amazing gentleman I still know and he treated me like a queen at every turn. At that point in the year the sorority, my friends, and real life started taking a major front seat. So much so our relationship fell to the way side. He noticed and I'm not sure if he was doing this intentionally or not but I started to feel smothered. There were constant questions of where I was, who I was hanging out with, and what I was doing. He wasn't a fan of drinking and I had found social drinking a fun thing to partake in.

To me I started to feel like he was very controlling and didn't really appreciate what I was doing or wanted to do. He held me on this pedestal of ideals he wanted me to be and thought I was. In reality I was realizing who I really was and wanted to be. I was growing up and changing which didn't seem to settle well with him.

We had the most awful breakup one could imagine.

It sucked.

I called him one night and told him I wanted to end us. Get out of the relationship. I needed to find out who I was. I had not been single for 6 years and he was my first serious boyfriend. He was not happy about this, I mean who would be. This was about mid-April.

He didn't take it well and kept hanging around. I tried my best to be civil and be the good friend to him that I knew he needed. I really didn't want to loose him as a friend but looking back at that time it was necessary to completely break ties and come back at a later time to build that friendship back up. He hung around, showed up unannounced, and just wouldn't let go. He kept bringing up the same conversations and getting really upset. 

It wasn't until almost mid-May or the end of May that he finally got the message and gave up. I was livid with him. The fact that he was keeping tabs on me and who I was seeing and what I was doing still was frustrating. I was so mad at him. I was hurting so bad but just couldn't sweep this under the rug. I kept my ground and held fast to the decision I made.

Through the summer he would pop up occasionally and it felt like we were moving toward friendship and it made me so happy. Then out of nowhere he decided to start avoiding me, well at least that's what it seems like right now. I understand. He has a new girlfriend and probably does not want to mix past with present.

I'm sad. I miss my best friend. He seems so happy though and that makes things so much better. I know it will take a long time but I hope we can be the best friends again that we once were. 

It's hard to let go. I never really understood it before but now it makes complete sense.

Since then I have popped in and out of the dating world. I've had a lot of flops. Some promising starts that just fell through. Dating sucks. It's fun at the beginning but I'm over it. I have completely pushed dating out of my world and have been focusing on me. I figure if it's meant to be it will happen and I will know. For now my world revolves around my friends and what makes me happy.

It's weird not having someone there to share everything with and go out with but it's kind of refreshing.

Love is a weird thing. I love love but man it fucking sucks. To everyone out there, don't force love or a relationship. Let it do it's thing and enjoy the ride. It may not always end nicely but we have to learn somehow and what better way then to make some mistakes and move on.

If for some reason R finds this heres a little note to you.

I know you are happy now and I couldn't be more thrilled for you. I hope things continue to work out for you and that you are beyond successful. Hopefully one day you will talk to me again and we can grab some brunch. You'll always be in my thoughts and there will always be good wishes for you from me. Keep pushing, have fun, be happy, and don't let anyone tell you you can't do something.

Until next time darlings

XOXO

ZMH